A blog of hope

When I started writing these blogs nearly 2 years ago I had no idea who would read them if anyone, I was in a dark place and needed an outlet to talk about my frustrations with being misunderstood and ignorant comments being made, I had no confidence or self belif and belived other people were worth getting better and achiving their goals than me so I was always giving advice to others (something which I will never stop doing) beause I never wanted them to feel like I had done and feel alone and that there was someone out there who understood them.

I was in a job where there was very little understanding and awareness of dyspraxia/dyslexia and I was contsantly made to feel a failure and stupid I even got told I was a bad role model because my learning syle was different what was socially acceptable, I plunged into a bubble of anxiety/depresion and was using coping methods which I wasn’t proud of.

Then I decided I wanted to make a change and a difference, I wanted to turn that negative experience into a more positive one, and this started by firstly helping Mollie win the Dyslexia Action It’s me award two years in a row then by setting up this blog and creating Mollie’s Birthday Fundraiser. I was determined that not only would it raise vital money but most importantly help raise awareness and understanding of the real impact hidden conditions can have, promote difference and say that difference is a positive thing too. Me and my boyfriend also completed a 5 mile run for Dyslexia Action and The Dyspraxia Foundation.

Dyspraxia especially is still very unknown of and a lot of people have no idea what it is, how it effects people, even if they do they assume it’s just clumsiness and bad handwriting when there is so much of a bigger picture a positive picture too. I will always have to 10x harder than everyone else in life and the way I do things may be completely different to what others may do it too. A lot of dyspraxic people struggle with assertiveness and this is something which I personally have too, as silly as it sounds i just didn’t know how to stand up for myself. Dyspraxia is a very quirky condition, I can go from extreem creativity to the next minuite spilling a drink down me or anxiously pacing. No day is the same and you never know what may lie ahead when you wake up in the morning. The best thing I’ve found is to laugh and embrace it and most impostantly don’t be ashamed of these quirks and differences they make you you, and this can be said for anyone, don’t be a sheep or try and fit in.

Mollie’s birthday fundriser raised over £550, and was even flipped, on that day Mollie wrote me a note to say thank you and as a positive boost. I decided after that day that I was worth mty own recovery and deserved understanding as much as everyone else, I went to seek more help and I found better coping trategies than the self destruction I was doing. I wanted to proove people wrong and change my life around. Fast forward 6 days and I had the most horrific experience of igorance in the work place and was off work sick with anxiety another dip in such poitivity. With my incredible boyfriends support I managed to find my strength and become a fighter I wasn’t going to let anyone treat me like that. It took me most of the summer holidays to feel properly recovered from that incident. A moment of random confidence made me apply for a job in London a long way away from home and a big change the dyspraxic brain does not like change much. I went for the interview and despite a lot of sensory overload and anxiety I faced my fears and got the job. My start date is a week on Monday. A year ago I would never of had the confidence to do this. Anxiety is still part of my day to day life and is a constant battle some days better than others. Although I have realised that I am worth feeling better and confident about mysef. I still have a long way to go and many battles to overcome but I have now got my dream job and have changed my life around. I hope to do more awareness campaigns and hopefully hidden conditions will not be a taboo subject and be seen in a negative light when there are many positives. If you see somebody who may do things differently I plead you not to judge or laugh or dismiss them immediately as odd or weird get to know them ask how their condition affects them, see the positives laugh WITH them and be there for them on their own journey. I feel so lucky to have the most incredible boyfriend, friends and inspiring idol, who  have inspired me to get where I am today, saved my life and taught me never to give up. Everyone you meet in life has a different path some may get to where they want to be quickly some may take a lot longer, you can get to be where you want in life I promise.